Seventeen Macintosh Apples...
by Little Red1
Summary: Exactly what the title suggests...just read


"Seventeen Macintosh Apples, a Green Tennis racket, and a  
Slice of Bologna" (1/1)  
By: Atalanta and Evangeline  
Category: VRH  
Keyword: Parody, Romance  
Summary: Exactly what the title suggests.  
Spoilers: This is a spoiler preserve! No spoiler shooting  
allowed! We, the game wardens decree it so! You have now been  
razzed.  
Dedication: To Al Gore, rainy Sundays, and Frank Sinatra  
musicals. And, of course, to Kappy and Evan!  
Feedback: Feedback will be exchanged for electoral votes!  
Lakka- LHenry0122@aol.com, Atalanta- Jedi Gurl1@aol.com  
Author's Notes- Note. Note. Note. Note.   
Note. Go Gore. Note. Note. Note. Digi-armor energize. Note.  
Note. Note. Note. Note.  
*****  
  
Bar Scene, reminiscent of the scene in "A League of Their Own", when  
they get Marla Hootch really, really hammered, and she starts belting  
the blues.  
  
Krycek (In a red strappy dress, obviously drunk) singing: I wanna be  
be loved by you. By you, and nobody else.  
  
(Scully walks in)  
  
Scully: What the hell?  
  
Krycek: (slurring) I's singing to Mulder.  
  
Scully: Mulder isn't here.  
  
Krycek: Yesh he is! (Gestures to a stuffed toy fox on a bar stool)  
  
Scully: Oh, god. (Picks up her cell phone, presses one on her speed   
dial) Mulder?  
  
Mulder: Yeah?  
  
Scully: We've got a crisis on our hands. Can you get down here and   
bring me seventeen Macintosh apples, a green tennis racket, and a  
slice of bologna.  
  
Mulder: Be right on it.  
  
Scully: Oh, and one more thing...  
  
Mulder: Yes?  
  
Scully: I need a can of whipped cream and a Marilyn Monroe dress.  
  
Mulder: What're those for?  
  
Scully: The dress's for me, and we'll see about the whipped cream...  
  
Mulder: Can't wait.  
  
**click**  
  
Scully looks back at the stage to a now stripping Krycek. She settles   
herself into a chair.  
  
Scully: Go Alex, Go Alex, shake your booty... come on now...   
whooooohoooooo!  
  
(Krycek jumps off the stage, grabs the stuffed fox, and starts grinding  
with it, much to the delight of the rest of the bar. Scully is   
totally engrossed by his movements, till Mulder runs into the bar.  
His mouth drops open as Krycek drapes his body around him, throwing   
the stuffed fox to Scully.)  
  
Krycek: Hey, baby. Looking foxy tonight. Glad you could join the   
party.  
  
Mulder: Ummm... Sculleeeeeeeee!!!  
  
Scully: Lucky dog, Mulder.  
  
(She hugs the stuffed animal, inhaling the scent of Krycek deeply.   
Krycek drags Mulder onto the dance floor, and pinches his ass.   
Mulder yelps, giving off his patented "girly scream".)  
  
Krycek: Come on, Mullller, baby. Show me how spooky you can be.  
  
Mulder: Help me Scully!  
  
Scully: Don't even talk to me, Mulder, you ruined the show. (Scully  
sits in a corner and pouts)  
  
(Mulder, still dancing with Krycek, is pulling his shirt collar away  
from his neck)  
  
Mulder: So, uh, what brought this on? Is it just me or is it kinda  
hot in here? Are you sure you can do that in public... I don't   
think, um, wait, I think that's illeg... OH MY GOD!  
  
Krycek: That's right Foxy, just relax... Let Alexi show you what real  
Russian hospitality is! (sliding his hand into Mulder's back pockets,  
still grinding with him...)  
  
(All of a sudden, Skinner knocks down of the bar...)  
  
Skinner: Federal Agent, I'm armed!  
  
Krycek: So am I! (giggles helplessly)  
  
Skinner: Agent Scully, what is the meaning of all this? (Scully   
whacks his on the head with the aforementioned green tennis racket)  
Oh dear... there seem to be small maroon children offering me peaches.  
Why yes, I'd love one... (falls down, unconscious)  
  
Krycek: Ooh, fresh meat! (Runs over and throws Skinner over his   
shoulder) Don't worry, Walter, I'll take you home and dress you in  
pretty pink frocks, and keep you in a small cage in my room. When   
you're good, I'll even let you sleep curled in the fetal position at  
the foot of my bed! (Skinner wakes up, his eyes wide open)  
  
Mulder: Wait! What about ME??   
  
(Mulder who has just begun to accept Krycek's gyrating body pouts   
and his lower lip quivers. Scully instantly snaps to attention.   
She runs to Mulder.)  
  
Scully: Mulder, honey, darling of my life and insanity of it too,  
what's wrong?  
  
Mulder: Nnnnothing... wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (He points   
helplessly to Krycek, who is having his boots licked by a shirtless  
and leather-collared Walter Skinner, then bursts into another fit  
of tears.)  
  
Scully: Boy, that's one hell of a Kodak moment, woooohoooo!  
(She slaps her thigh and makes a catcalling whistle) Don't worry  
Mulder, honey, there's always me, and I still have that whipped  
cream.  
  
Mulder's face lights up.  
  
-The End-  



End file.
